People come into our lives for many reasons. Some teach us lessons. Some make us grow. Some encourage us and help us. And some come into our lives just to leave. These select few belong to what I refer to as The “Bail Out” Club.
I have been (un)fortunate enough to come into contact with many BOC members. Through knowing these people, I have cultivated the 5 major traits of a “Bail Out” Club member:
1. BOC members are very inconspicuous. You wouldn’t be able to spot them out easily; they are great at masking themselves in loyalty and trust. Only to eventually reveal their true loyalties to The “Bail Out” Club. They will play the role of your friend just as long as you don’t do anything they deem unworthy. Needless to say, it’s almost impossible to pick out who belongs to The “Bail Out” Club until they actually bail out.
2.BOC members come in packs. Chances are if you’ve met one, you’ve met a bunch of them. Their friends you know are most likely also BOC members. People who are alike tend to be friends. So it shouldn’t be surprising that people who bail out on others would be friends with those who do the same.
3. BOC members feed off of gossip. The reason they bail out on you is because they’ve received some amount of dirt on you. Through the gossip of friends and hearing “through the grapevine” about mistakes you’ve made or things you’ve done, BOC members can view you as no longer worthy of friendship. More importantly, they’ll view you as no longer worth their time and effort.
4. BOC members love to play the victim card. They will do anything to make you out to be the bad guy. Because they are so inconspicuous (refer to #1), all they wait for is a chance to skip town on your relationship. It can range from them feeling “burdened”, “overwhelmed”, “hurt” and even “betrayed”. They’ll insist that you’ve manipulated them and have taken advantage of their friendship with you. Being a victim gives them a reason to bail out.
5. BOC members are searching for the impossible. More than anything, BOC members desire to find the perfect friend who doesn’t bring any conflict, stress or struggles to the table. Many members fail to ever realize that this “perfect friend” doesn’t exist. Friendship grow in the hard times more than in the normal/good. Having the resilience to bear the struggles with someone makes them worth your time. BOC members choose to bail out when stress arises. They aren’t true friends because they don’t put effort in to try; they cowardly walk out.
Over the past few months, I’ve tossed and turned with the idea of The “Bail Out” Club. Since I befriended so many of them and inevitably they did walk out on me, I started to believe that I was in fact the problem. But more recently I’ve come to accept that I am not a burden. There are people out there who will stand with me through the trials and they won’t walk away. I guess sometimes it takes seeing over and over again what a true friend isn’t, to realize what one is.
I have promised myself that I will never stoop down to the BOC level. I have something that they don’t: empathy. Through thick and thin I will remain loyal to those who walk beside me. Although some people come into my life to leave, I know some come to stay.
I am not a burden.
I am worth it.
All it takes is a little empathy.
Your Adventures Await…Go Forth & Conquer.