This week is Depression Awareness Week. In the past, I’ve written about anxiety; however, I haven’t touched on my experience with depression much, if at all. Seeing that it is Depression Awareness Week, I thought I’d take it upon myself to bring awareness to something I have dealt with. When it comes to depression, there is a lot that is invisible. The Blurt Foundation launched a campaign this week which has caused Twitter to be flooded with the hashtag #WhatYouDontSee. It’s about time that we become more vocal about the invisible.
Depression started affecting me a few months after anxiety started affecting me. I didn’t want to believe that I was depressed, so I just convinced myself I was unmotivated because of school. But then I graduated early from high school in November, I had a two month break, and then I started college in January. Things were going well in life, but I felt terrible on the inside. Somedays it was hard to get out of bed in the morning. I didn’t feel any purpose in doing my classwork, even though if I failed it would be so much money wasted. My perspective in life had changed and it was so subtle that I didn’t realize I was changing into a negative mindset.
What blows my mind still about my depression is it physically put a grey hue on life. Colors weren’t as vibrant, the sky didn’t seem as bright and blue, and the beauty of life was gone. I didn’t think that medication would do anything for me; I got off of it because I tried so hard to just forget everything. I didn’t want depression to be a part of my life.
I eventually reached a point where I couldn’t fool myself anymore. I had a cloud around me that dimmed my life and my motivation to do anything was gone. I felt hopeless and alone in it. It’s that feeling which makes me want to speak out about depression. It’s more difficult than some people make it out to be. It’s a silent killer and it can steal all of who you are. When the invisible is affecting your life, it helps to have people who will support you. Help is sometimes the last thing you want to get, but it’s the only thing that can get you to a better place. I have a few amazing friends who have been with me through the thick and thin of life; if I didn’t have them, my journey would be much longer.
I am in such a better place, I know I’m well equipped if my depression returns. I have so much to be thankful for any appreciative of. And nothing beats a positive mindset in life—it will get you so far.