My 2018 Goal.

My 2018 Goal.

 

I can’t stand resolutions; when the new year comes around, I simply let it start.

I’m not one to say I’m going to live healthier, eat better, or grow in any other way. I guess it can stem from my mindset of being a realist. I know that most resolutions don’t last past the first month, so why would I even start one if I know most people are doomed to fail? Nonetheless, resolutions aren’t my thing.

However, this year I’ve decided to do something. I won’t label it as a resolution, but I will call it a goal. If you know me personally, you know that I try to frame my life in an empathetic way with immense care and love for others. I enjoy finding ways to connect with people and make them feel like they aren’t alone. With this being said, my goal for this year is to consciously and genuinely give people more compliments and encouragement.

There is nothing better than to unexpectedly be told that there is something about you that others see and like.

Continue reading “My 2018 Goal.”

Advertisements

Routines Are a Comfort Zone.

Routines Are a Comfort Zone.

I eat eggs every morning at 8:30am. I used to hate breakfast, but I’ve found that if I put aside some time to get ready in the morning, a routine can and will start to form. My day starts with eggs because without it, my morning would be a mess. I eat my eggs, get changed and then I drive to work. Having a routine in the morning makes me feel like I know exactly what is going to happen—there’s no room for the unknown. And it’s that fact that makes routines such a comfort zone. Continue reading “Routines Are a Comfort Zone.”

God and Sports.

My family has always been one to love sports. We’ve got people into hockey, baseball; others into basketball, football. No matter what the sport is, everyone in my clan enjoys it. While sports may seem a little far-fetched for me to write about—since I don’t play any except disc golf (which for the record, is the best thing since sliced bread)—I feel the need to make a sports analogy for one reason: people get it. Nearly everyone you encounter will understand sports in some way or another. If you don’t agree, let’s go over a simple checklist to make sure you will understand my analogy.

  1. Do you know what a team is?
  2. Do you know what a coach is?
  3. Do you have knowledge of basic sporty moves such as passing, defense, offense, blocking, ?

You got all of that? Good, great, perfect; you’ll understand this analogy better than anyone else.

God is hard to understand sometimes. Amiright? He’s mysterious in His ways and doesn’t always make things clear to us—which is kind of cool if you think about it. It’s not that we have to spend a ton of time trying to uncover the mystery, but it’s the fact that He can keep parts of Himself unknown and yet He still captivate us. Nonetheless, God isn’t always the easiest to make tangible.

Someone recently gave me a sports analogy that made God tangible and changed my mindset, so I want to expand on it a bit. Continue reading “God and Sports.”

Speak Truth into Your Life.

Speak Truth into Your Life.

 

Sometimes doubts and lies cloud my thoughts.

“Sometimes” recently has been every day. For a few months now, people have been encouraging me to speak truth into my life. It seemed like a very arbitrary thing and I wasn’t convinced it would even work. I put off giving it an effort for a long time. But then I noticed that these doubts and lies in my mind were causing me to be overly anxious. I was getting more anxiety attacks than I normally do, and I was confused—I’m on medications that are supposed to prevent these, why does it keep happening? It was then that someone revealed to me something that answered all my questions: Spiritual Warfare.

There is victory in Christ, and we are affirmed of this especially now as Easter just happened. However, we still live in a fallen and broken world and that gives Satan the opportunity to get us where we are most vulnerable. For me that is in my mind with lies and doubts that he seeds in deep. He can wound you deep in your sins and in your struggles. Continue reading “Speak Truth into Your Life.”

[UNTITLED]

[UNTITLED]

In the past month, I’ve been called many things: victim, coward, unhappy, patient, client, friend, a work in progress, hurt, a lost cause, boozy, strong willed, stubborn. Regardless of what label or category I get placed in, I’m Emma Welling and this is what my life has been in the past month.

February 28th, 2017. At 11pm, I found myself with a knife in hand talking to a campus police officer on the phone. “Emma, can you put the knife down, please?”. I had made about a dozen cuts on my stomach by the time the officer got ahold of me. “We’re dispatching the local police to your location, just hold tight, okay?”

At 11:30pm, two Ottawa County Sheriff Deputies knocked on the door. They patted me down and asked me what was going on. “I didn’t want to live anymore” They told me if I cooperated and let them take me to the hospital, then they wouldn’t have to cuff me. I obliged and Deputy Tim escorted me to the back of his police car. He apologized that due to protocol I wasn’t allowed to sit up front—he kept repeating that I wasn’t in trouble and nothing was going on my record, but I did have to sit in the back.

At midnight, March 1st, I was admitted to Holland hospital. Once they escorted me to a room, I met with a doctor and a social worker. It was at that point that I revealed the main reason why I tried to end my life: “I was raped 3 days ago,” I mentioned how a friend and I had been drinking, this friend convinced me to drive us to some guys apartment; there were other people already there. Some guy I didn’t know brought me into a bedroom, locked the door, and wouldn’t take my simple “No” as an answer. He used me and hurt me, and my supposed friends in the other room didn’t do anything to stop it. That mixed with failing all my classes in college left me feeling so empty and alone.

I spent nine restless hours in a room at Holland Hospital, while security stood guard outside my door since I was on suicide watch. At 9am, a few paramedics, lifted me onto a stretcher and wheeled me into an ambulance—I was off to the psych unit at Pine Rest. On the ride over, a very kind paramedic named Ryan talked to me about the events that brought me up to this point. He told me his heart hurt to hear that I was raped, that his wife works with people who have been through things like that, so he knows just how rough it can be. He encouraged me and told me no matter what it’s not my fault and that I should seek justice someday—if not for me then for the other girls that person could end up hurting too.

Around 12:30pm, I was officially in my assigned unit at Pine Rest and admitted as a patient. I was given a tour—albeit short—and was told how the schedule would look. Starting at 8am until 9pm, there would be either a meal or some sort of group therapy meeting every hour. I was told I had to go to at least four meetings. I went to most of the sessions simply because there was nothing else to do in the unit except sleep.

I met some really cool people who were going through extremely tough things like myself. It felt good to open up and talk to people who really get it and who have a unique quality of empathy. I made great friendships in the unit and they’re ongoing support and comradery helped my stay there be even more beneficial.

Once leaving the unit, I decided that being in college wasn’t the best choice. My case manager worked with me to help get a medical withdrawal. As of now, I’m no longer a student in college. While our society tells us that college is the only avenue, I believe I will truly be able to find myself in these months that I am taking off from school. While I hope to keep myself busy, I also desire to truly figure out the path that I need to be on in life.

I write all of this down today for one main reason. It’s not for your sympathy or your attention. It’s not even for me to learn to be vulnerable, because I already learned how to do that well in the unit. No, I’m choosing to write all of this because it makes me a human. Sometimes when I read others writing, I can’t always relate on a personal level with the one who penned it. I may connect with what they wrote about, but feeling like you know the person is a whole different level. I want to achieve that here because I want my writing to come out as if you asked me out for coffee and these were my responses to a topic or situation.
I have a lot on my heart that I want to write about in the future on this site; however, it will only make sense and have the power to connect with you if you understand where life has brought me up to this point. My story is an integral part of my writing and more than anything, I want that conveyed.

So, this is me; this is where life has brought me in the past month; and this is what I will tap into going forth from here.